So, she recommends closing your eyes and thinking of the last time you made someone smile or laugh and let your body do the rest. Smiling at yourself in the mirror is an unusual ask-Cacioppo gets it. (Don't have 15 minutes? You can still cherish your most special memories with a One Line A Day journal.) The process will remind you you're not alone, and the memories are bound to improve your mood. Just dedicating 15 minutes per day to jotting down special moments you've shared with friends and family can be enough to overcome negative feelings, Cacioppo explains. This is one of those pieces of advice you've surely been given before, but never actually committed to. So, as soon as you can put a label to your loneliness, it's time to try and do something about it. People need people, and everyone needs to feel loved. You might actually believe that for a while, too.ĭown the line, however, this response will be harmful-to your mental and physical health. Don't deny or distance.īecause of all the shameful and self-critical feelings that accompany loneliness, a common reaction is to kid yourself into thinking you don't actually need anyone, things are better this way, and you'll do just fine on your own, Rokach explains. You won't want to at the time, but if you set out to tackle your loneliness knowing it's a win-some-lose-some game, you won't be so quick to give up. Those moments will be tough, he explains, but the key is to persevere anyway. People won't want to make connections with you, they'll be too busy, or you'll still end up feeling lonely-it happens. "Sometimes you won't succeed," says Rokach. Though there are things you can do to help yourself feel less lonely, they're not all foolproof. It's a great opportunity to remember that, just like anyone else, you have the power to get yourself out of this situation. Now, this doesn't mean you should necessarily lean into the loneliness simply because others are dealing with it, too, Rokach warns. "We're not alone in our loneliness," Rokach explains. But refusing to come to terms with your loneliness means putting off your chance to do something about it. Many people are ashamed to admit they feel lonely because they associate the experience with social isolation and otherness, he adds. Why? "Because there's a lot of stigma surrounding loneliness," says Ami Rokach, PhD, clinical psychologist, course director at York University, and author of Loneliness, Love And All That’s Between. Most people try to deny they're lonely, or they assume they must just be anxious or depressed. Admit you're lonely.Īs with a lot of things, the first step to moving forward is getting real about what you're going through. But here are 17 things you can actually do to feel a little less lonely, a little more confident, and way more connected. The key to turning your mood around? Adjusting your social lens to one that’s more positive.Įasier said than done, right? Thought you might say that. In fact, the feeling makes you more likely to interpret reality negatively, which can bring on a ton of self-loathing and self-criticism, she says. It's a reminder that something's off about your social environment and that you need to prioritize your happiness.Ĭhances are, though, you're not too grateful for loneliness while you're experiencing it. The upside: Feeling lonely isn't necessarily a bad thing, Cacioppo notes. And until you're able to pinpoint and then address what you're dissatisfied with, you'll feel isolated, left out, and in need of companionship. When you feel lonely, it’s usually because you aren’t quite satisfied with what you have, whether it’s in that moment or throughout your life, Cacioppo explains. It’s not necessarily about being physically surrounded by people-because you might feel especially lonely in a crowd-but about your mentality. Feeling lonely is, perhaps ironically, universal.īut, what is loneliness, exactly? Simply put, "it's the discrepancy between what you have and what you want from your relationships," says Stephanie Cacioppo, PhD, an assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral neuroscience at the University of Chicago, who specializes in the study of loneliness and social cognition. Whether you're feeling down about the number of comments on your latest Instagram post, or just have that sense that no one else really gets you, you've experienced it.
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